Music idea's

[LooknGlass]

I was wondering if someone could critique these lyrics. I have an idea of what kind of music I want (sort of country or mellow rock) but have no way of getting the music out of my head and onto an instrument. I was just wondering if it was worth the effort with these lyrics. It's kinda out of the norm in form.


I seek Closure


We took a break to find ourselves and somehow we got lost.
We never even said goodbye / make our peace and have our cry
I regret I never looked for you while I had the chance.
I thought you needed space / time alone to find your place
but...

I seek closure for this wound.
I seek closure for this pain.
It may be your gone for good,
But I seek closure all the same

I took a drive the other day and somehow I got lost;
A song playing on the radio / took me back a long time ago
I stopped the car and thought of you as I stared into the past
I felt a tear form in my eye / a shaky finger stopped the cry
and...

I seek closure for this wound.
I seek closure for this pain.
It may be your gone for good,
But I seek closure all the same.

I remember when I saw you on the front page of the news
I couldn't fathom what I saw / couldn't move or breath at all
I read how you were on your way to find a long lost love.
A car crossed the center line / you couldn’t swerve in time.
Still……

I seek closure for this wound.
I seek closure for this pain.
It may be your gone for good.
But I seek closure all the same.

I placed flowers below your name and blew you a parting kiss
We never even said goodbye / make our peace and have our cry

© L.J. Tanner

[wyotryot]

Hi LooknGlass. Overall, not too bad. The structure works with the sentiment. It doesn't come off as too long (if you're looking at about 95bpm) although I think I would cut the first chorus.
Some of the lines are weak. The ones that jump out at me are: "I felt a tear form...finger stopped the cry"; "I couldnt fathom what I saw" (fathom is a tough word - like closure. I'd find something to replace those with - something more poetic).
Since the first line of each verse (except the 3rd) ends with "lost", I think it would be very strong if you ended that first line of the end couplet with "lost" as well.
Not quite sure what "placed flowers below your name" is - unless it's the name on the gravestone?
This is an excellent start LG. Keep on with it, and looking forward to your finished product.
Regards,
Wyatt